Chapter 21

Perhaps the aforementioned drive for updating this blog died...

I'd say that the main reason as to why I haven't posted anything in two solid months is due to the pure lack of motivation I've had for writing.  When I force myself to write, the end result is always something that's just straight up awful.

Anyway, here's a brief synopsis about what I've been up to since January 7th, 2012:

• Got a job where I work a fair amount of hours and am paid reasonably well
• School started and I'm doing well in my classes
• I've been looking for a new place to live because I'm uncomfortable and can barely afford where I'm currently staying right now
• I think I started to miss Nebraska the day after my mom left me here
• I've become more social than I initially was when I first arrived in California
• I'm looking to improve myself each and every day
• I'll have to seriously consider getting a new car within the next year or so
• I REALLY need to start exercising and eating better
• I miss my little dogs back in Nebraska (shoot, I miss A LOT of things there
• Some kid decked my little brother at their basketball game--I was distraught, to say the least
• Mother has rented out the other house that she owns
• I toyed with the thought of getting a rat or some other rodent
• I'm getting annoyed with all the constant sunlight (is that weird?)
• I sometimes wonder whether I'll be able to achieve the goals that I've set for myself... 

And most recently, I started seeing someone...

We have a class together and one day he decided to approach me.  I was taken aback, but welcomed his advances.  Our first date was at the street fair downtown which is held every Thursday.  I found out that he was over two years older than me and an ex-marine.  He had been to South Korea and Japan.  Enjoyed a trip to Germany after graduating high school here in SoCal and went straight to the barracks shortly afterwards. 

He's bold, straightforward, and curses often.  He has a fondness for alcohol and experimented with marijuana for some time.  While in the marine corps, I learned that he was a mechanic and had come to the determination to pursue mechanical engineering in college.  I told him about my older brother and his degrees in that same subject. 

He yearns to travel to Egypt and several other countries.  He has a map of the United States hanging on his bedroom wall with circled cities that he'd like to visit--all during a single road trip.  He wants a dog (a Boxer, to be exact) and has a great love for sushi.  He drives a silver Scion tC, has a younger sister and newly born twin brothers.

And, he's an atheist.  One thing that I now look for when dating.

However fascinating me might sound, I am no longer in a romantic relationship with him.

Yes, I broke up with him tonight, after a double date with a couple that he wanted me to meet.  I didn't know how to do it...I mean, I had never really broken up with anyone before.  I found myself a loss for words, my gaze averted to the floor while I felt him watching me.

After he asked me to be his girlfriend, I still didn't feel like I was in a relationship.  I didn't feel any different and I knew that I didn't think about him nearly as often as I knew he thought about me.  His interest in me was great...overwhelming, even.

Once he decided to name his car after me and thought it would be fun to look me up on Google, I came to the conclusion that he was into me so much more than I was into him.

Tonight was fun, nonetheless.  We attended a movie at a ritzy theater; recliner seats, adjustable trays/tables attached to the chair, servers at your beck and call with the mere push of a button.  Sushi and ice cream were options on the menu, amongst several other tasty options.

After all four of us were back at his place, the other couple left and he asked me to hang out a bit before I headed home.  That's when it happened.

We had agreed that honesty and trust were some of the main things to establish with anyone, so it was now time for the moment of truth.

He actually guessed what I was going to do before I could get it together.

He looked...crestfallen, and I felt so badly.  He took it really well and was very understanding: I didn't feel anything, so that was that.

He did say that if I ever had a change of heart, to let him know.  He also said that he doubted I would, but just on the off chance.  I didn't say anything to that, just looked at him.

He said that he wouldn't be able to get me out of his head right away, but that he would try.

I felt so awful...I apologized and assured him that he wasn't doing anything wrong, just that I didn't feel a romantic connection like he did.  He really likes me, and he re-instilled that notion in my mind again.  That just made me feel even worse...

He walked me to my car and I told him that I didn't want class to be awkward and he said that since I never really talk, awkwardness probably wasn't going to be an issue.  I asked if he'd still talk to me and he said he would...

After a somewhat awkward hug, he said, 

"I'll see you later."

I said, "Bye."

Then I got into my car and started to cry.

Why?  I don't know.  I cried all the way home and for a good ten minutes after arriving.

I'm so confused...

So, I'm going to call my mother in the morning before I go to work and see what light she can shed on this.

I hope she can help me with this...

I really do.

Chapter 20

So...I haven't posted anything since mid-November 2011.  This past December was rather busy and I had also been suffering from a somewhat severe case of writer's block which contributed to me being unable to update in a timely fashion.

At any rate, it's now 2012 and I'm here with the mentality to update more often than I ever have--and hopefully, that mentality stays with me from here on out.

I've been in California for just under a month and a half and so far, things have been going reasonably well.  I have a new driver's license, new plates on my car, a place to live, a furnished bedroom, a school schedule that's almost complete, a sense of belonging in my new surroundings, a newish drive to achieve, but unfortunately...I don't have a new job yet.

Job application after job application has been sent in and still, I don't have anything to show for it.  I'm getting tired of watching the money in my checking and saving accounts dwindle and I'm also tired of feeling as if I'm just some sort of slacker because I can't land one lousy job.

At this point, it doesn't really matter WHAT the job is, just as long as I HAVE one.

Banks, restaurants, grocery stores, specific retail-oriented stores, pet-care...

Out of all of these things, I can't get one job offer.  ONE!!!

When I reflect on my current employment issue, I start to wonder whether moving to California was a good idea or not...

But, after the events that took place today, I start to question my initial second thoughts.  Lol.

In a nutshell, I saw an ad on www.craigslist.org for a job opening that I actually qualified for.  So, I replied to the ad with a pleasant e-mail and attached my resume and whatnot.  I hadn't heard anything back and it had been a couple of days, so I resubmitted my application and then decided to drive myself to this location so that I could meet with an actual person.

Upon my attempt to drive to this company's address, my cell phone's GPS thought it would be funny to play games with me and not cooperate.  I pulled into the local Target parking lot and fiddled with my phone for a good 15 minutes.  Instead of relying on Cordelia (that's the name of my GPS) and her vocally telling me where to go, I decided to memorize the directions and just go from there.

I started Alexandria (my car, who also goes by Lexi for short) and proceeded to get onto the freeway when I noticed a woman clambering around, looking for something and a man on a cell phone.  And that's when I saw two dogs.  I pulled over, put on my four-way flashers, and got out to see if they needed help.  Turns out that the dogs didn't belong to them, but they had been trying to corral them to safety and call Animal Control as well.

I got back into my car and parked in the parking lot that I had just left and pursued the elusive canine friends.  They were darting in and out of the busy intersection, with me doing the same.  I kept following them and finally got them across said intersection and hopefully further away from harm.

While I was tailing them, several different people pulled up to the sidewalk asking if they were mine and so on.  I explained the situation and to my utter surprise, they all came to help!  One very nice man pulled over and handed me a collar and some food.

My newly formed group of dog catchers and I situated ourselves in different areas in order to head these dogs into a secure location.  A couple of girls and I passed two groups of marines and I was sure that they might jump in to help, but sadly, they didn't.  They directed us to where the dogs ran off to, and that was all they contributed, which is better than nothing.

We kept after them and almost had them too, but between the crazy drivers and how evasive and frightened these dogs were, we couldn't contain them.  :(

We were unable to get in touch with Animal Control and before we knew it, the dogs were long gone.

The two girls that ran around with me commented on how "brave" I was for running into traffic and so on.

But should that really be considered bravery or just foolishness?  I'm still on the fence about it...

We went to our cars and drove around looking for the dogs in one last vain attempt to get them to safety, but I think we all knew that they were gone.

I sullenly drove to my original destination and met with a couple of the workers that showed me around.  Turns out, the owner who posted the ad went on vacation as soon as she had asked for help, which would explain why I hadn't heard anything yet.  So I hoping that since I made the effort to drive to the location and ask about the status of my application, I'll receive a phone call with a job offer.

And now, for the pièce de résistance:

On my way to seek employment, the car directly in front of me had a sticker on the back windshield.

It read, "Johns Hopkins".

It's a sign, I tell you!  A SIGN!!!

That's all I have for now...until next time!

Chapter 19

Tomorrow is quite an eventful day.

I have to work, my brother has lessons, there's the Nebraska vs Michigan game on, then my brother has a double-header basketball game, ending with me getting off work at 5pm.  I also need to finish packing, clean my car, and take care of the rest of my shopping.

Tomorrow is also my ex-boyfriend's 19th birthday. 

I have mixed emotions about it.

But now that I think about it, I have mixed emotions for just about everything.

I want him to call me...

I want him to show up at my doorstep...

I also want his birthday to suck.

Therefore, I'm not quite sure where I stand with all of this.

Either way, his birthday still needs to suck.

End of story.

Chapter 18

With each passing day, I realize that there is still so much to do and so little time.

Is the 23rd of November really within my wake?

Damn.

At any rate, I have a tendency of performing well when under pressure, therefore I'm actually not too concerned about everything else that needs to be done.

Earlier this evening, after I had staggered into the house from work, my mother asked me whether I would like to have a going away party or not.  I toyed with the thought, if only for a second, and came to the determination that no, I would not like to have one.

I leave in just over a week, and I already have several affairs that need to be put in order, so having an open house for those who will "miss" me seems like it would be too much.

Besides, who would I invite?

Who would actually attend?

Yeah, I'm having trouble finding answers for those questions as well.

I think it would be best for me to pack up and leave, consider the reactivation of my Facebook, and then allow the attention to come after me.

I would like to say that I am fairly well versed in the habits of my peers and how they conduct themselves and whatnot, but I'm afraid that I might be lying...

I know that everyone lies and that there is only a handful of reliable kids my age around, but why must it bother me so?

Stupid hope...

I need not concern myself with those who fail to follow through with just about anything and everything.

California will be better.

Chapter 17

It has almost been two weeks since I've updated--I apologize for that, but I have been fairly busy, therefore lapses in posts are to be expected.

Anyway, this past Friday (11/4/2011), my high school football team had a game.  They managed to get themselves into the state play-offs, but unfortunately, they lost to a very talented team that just happens to be nationally ranked.  Yep, Burke is ranked amongst the top 100 teams in the nation; they're 98th.  At the bottom, yes, but that's a hell of a lot better than we are.  The final score was us with a whopping seven (7) points and them with a ridiculous 55 on the scoreboard.

Yeah, I know--crazy, right?

And it just kept getting better.

Saturday morning (11/5/2011), Ryan had a basketball game, which his team lost (26 to 32), making them 0-3 so far this season.  Sucks, I know.

And now for the big Nebraska game.  Yes, my first venture to Memorial Stadium at UNL in Lincoln, Nebraska was an interesting event.  I have never seen so many crazed football fans in one setting.  And the vast "Sea of Red" was something--that's for sure.

The seats my family and I had weren't particularly great (Row 94 in the North end zone), but we had waited a long time before making the ticket purchase, so just obtaining tickets was enough.

After departing Ryan's basketball game, we headed out, made a quick stop to eat, and then arrived in Lincoln where we paid $15 to park in a local parking structure.  After that, we collected our blankets and coats and walked to the stadium where we purchased a program for $5, waited in line for I don't know how long, underwent a security check (just like everyone else), and finally started climbing the steep steps up to our assigned seats just after shelling out $20 for stadium chairs.

I have never had to sit so closely to strangers in my entire life--surely the stands could have been spaced out a bit more, oh, but then that would have taken away potential income due to a slight lack in seating...how dare I think that anyone cared about the comfort of the fans.

At any rate, the Nebraska vs. Northwestern game was exciting, even if it did result in a loss for the Huskers (25-28), and with me having to leave with my ears ringing; the man seated right behind me yelled and screamed for the entire game.  He shouted so often, that I timed his intervals: every 15 to 27 seconds he had something to say.

It's not like the college kids down on the field could hear him, but I'm sure he thought they could.

I secretly hoped he would earn himself a nasty case of laryngitis--he needed to be punished for damaging my hearing (my mother and I had gone over bringing our ear plugs, but that slipped our minds for whatever reason).

One thing that I was pretty stoked about was finally seeing the Husker Marching Band--I had seen them a couple of times during my high school marching band career, but my memories are starting to mesh together, so I couldn't quite recall how good everyone makes them out to be.

What I did remember was the fact that although they may possess a high quality sound, they rarely march, which always kind of irks me because marching should be part of a marching band--hence the name.

I took a few pictures, intensely watched their pre-game and halftime shows, finally coming to a conclusion: they kind of suck.

End of story, hands down, no questions asked: the University of Nebraska Husker Marching Band is lame.

That's right, I said (typed?) it; LAME!  L-A-M-E!!!  Ha ha.  ;)

Of the three Nebraska Universities (UNK, UNL and UNO), UNO, by far, has the best marching band; and not just because I was part of it, but because they actually do stuff!

But that's another topic for another day--the UCLA marching band is pretty amazing, so I'm wickedly excited for an opportunity to be a part of that band.  ^_^

As for the rest of my weekend, I worked yesterday for seven hours, came home, ate dinner, watched a movie and filled out a few more job applications for places that are hiring in California.

Haven't heard back from anyone yet, but sooner or later, I'm hoping that I will.

I might update again this week, but then again, I might not.  So...I'll be back whenever.  Lol.

Chapter 16

As the month of October comes to an end, I realize that the big move to SoCal is right around the corner.

I'm going back home.  After 13 eventful and interesting years in Nebraska, I'm finally going home.

It's all so surreal.

According to Brandon, he never thought I was suited for post-secondary education in the Midwest.  He always figured that leaving Nebraska to attend college elsewhere would be one of the best things for me to do.  I wonder why he never told me sooner...

At any rate, that doesn't matter anymore: I'm moving to California for college!  The UC schools are flat out amazing--together, they compose one of the best education systems in the world.  :)

Brandon and my sister-in-law are graduates of UCSD.  My second cousin Ariel is currently attending UC Merced.  And I'll be the future graduate of UCLA.  I'm noticing a pattern...here.  Lol.

Unfortunately (not really--ha ha), Ryan has expressed a great interest in Nebraska football and has shown a desire to play for the Huskers.  My 14-year-old brother--15 in February--wants to attend UNL for college. 

Well, all right then.

He's breaking the trend...

Ha ha.

Ryan is currently a freshman in high school.  So we still have a couple of years before we need to seriously consider a college for him.

I'm sure he'll be asking me questions about admission exams and universities and whatnot--after all, I'm his big sister!  I've been here for like, ever for this kid.  I'm actually extremely lucky to have a younger brother who genuinely likes me and doesn't mind spending time with me.  How many siblings are like us?  :)

And since I'm on the topic of UNL, I should probably mention the fact that we have tickets for the Nebraska vs Northwestern football game on Saturday, November 5th, 2011.  That's right, I'm finally stepping foot into Memorial Stadium, something that I suppose I would like to do before I leave this state.

Once I'm in California, places like the Rose Bowl and Qualcomm Stadium will be mine.  ;)

Anyway, I will most likely have more to blog about later this week.  Until then.

Chapter 15

It's been a little over a week since I've posted anything...but, the fact that I have been updating more often than usual is a good thing.

The two funerals have come and gone; my Great Aunt Loretta's was last Tuesday and my Aunt Kathy's was this past Saturday.  Brandon made it to both of them.  Ryan and I did not.  Then again, that was to be expected.  And besides...it's not like we would have been welcomed, anyway.  If I haven't mentioned this before, my family is, to say the very least: messed up.  So "messed up" that I requested Brandon NOT to tell anyone about the act of me moving out to California.  Yeah, I know...no need to say anything about that.

Now that I'm on the subject of California, I'm--pleased, I guess--to be the informant of the news that my mother purchased her plane ticket back here this past Tuesday night.

If that notion didn't make this move a reality to me, then I don't know what will.

I mean...I'm moving to California!  How exciting is that?  :)

Unfortunately, that's pretty much all I have to say right now.  I've started packing, begun to review the "California Driver Handbook" just in case I'm forced into taking a driving exam before I can obtain a California Driver License, applying for jobs, and so on.

I'll update again when I have more to write about.