Tomorrow is quite an eventful day.
I have to work, my brother has lessons, there's the Nebraska vs Michigan game on, then my brother has a double-header basketball game, ending with me getting off work at 5pm. I also need to finish packing, clean my car, and take care of the rest of my shopping.
Tomorrow is also my ex-boyfriend's 19th birthday.
I have mixed emotions about it.
But now that I think about it, I have mixed emotions for just about everything.
I want him to call me...
I want him to show up at my doorstep...
I also want his birthday to suck.
Therefore, I'm not quite sure where I stand with all of this.
Either way, his birthday still needs to suck.
End of story.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Chapter 18
With each passing day, I realize that there is still so much to do and so little time.
Is the 23rd of November really within my wake?
Damn.
At any rate, I have a tendency of performing well when under pressure, therefore I'm actually not too concerned about everything else that needs to be done.
Earlier this evening, after I had staggered into the house from work, my mother asked me whether I would like to have a going away party or not. I toyed with the thought, if only for a second, and came to the determination that no, I would not like to have one.
I leave in just over a week, and I already have several affairs that need to be put in order, so having an open house for those who will "miss" me seems like it would be too much.
Besides, who would I invite?
Who would actually attend?
Yeah, I'm having trouble finding answers for those questions as well.
I think it would be best for me to pack up and leave, consider the reactivation of my Facebook, and then allow the attention to come after me.
I would like to say that I am fairly well versed in the habits of my peers and how they conduct themselves and whatnot, but I'm afraid that I might be lying...
I know that everyone lies and that there is only a handful of reliable kids my age around, but why must it bother me so?
Stupid hope...
I need not concern myself with those who fail to follow through with just about anything and everything.
California will be better.
Is the 23rd of November really within my wake?
Damn.
At any rate, I have a tendency of performing well when under pressure, therefore I'm actually not too concerned about everything else that needs to be done.
Earlier this evening, after I had staggered into the house from work, my mother asked me whether I would like to have a going away party or not. I toyed with the thought, if only for a second, and came to the determination that no, I would not like to have one.
I leave in just over a week, and I already have several affairs that need to be put in order, so having an open house for those who will "miss" me seems like it would be too much.
Besides, who would I invite?
Who would actually attend?
Yeah, I'm having trouble finding answers for those questions as well.
I think it would be best for me to pack up and leave, consider the reactivation of my Facebook, and then allow the attention to come after me.
I would like to say that I am fairly well versed in the habits of my peers and how they conduct themselves and whatnot, but I'm afraid that I might be lying...
I know that everyone lies and that there is only a handful of reliable kids my age around, but why must it bother me so?
Stupid hope...
I need not concern myself with those who fail to follow through with just about anything and everything.
California will be better.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Chapter 17
It has almost been two weeks since I've updated--I apologize for that, but I have been fairly busy, therefore lapses in posts are to be expected.
Anyway, this past Friday (11/4/2011), my high school football team had a game. They managed to get themselves into the state play-offs, but unfortunately, they lost to a very talented team that just happens to be nationally ranked. Yep, Burke is ranked amongst the top 100 teams in the nation; they're 98th. At the bottom, yes, but that's a hell of a lot better than we are. The final score was us with a whopping seven (7) points and them with a ridiculous 55 on the scoreboard.
Yeah, I know--crazy, right?
And it just kept getting better.
Saturday morning (11/5/2011), Ryan had a basketball game, which his team lost (26 to 32), making them 0-3 so far this season. Sucks, I know.
And now for the big Nebraska game. Yes, my first venture to Memorial Stadium at UNL in Lincoln, Nebraska was an interesting event. I have never seen so many crazed football fans in one setting. And the vast "Sea of Red" was something--that's for sure.
The seats my family and I had weren't particularly great (Row 94 in the North end zone), but we had waited a long time before making the ticket purchase, so just obtaining tickets was enough.
After departing Ryan's basketball game, we headed out, made a quick stop to eat, and then arrived in Lincoln where we paid $15 to park in a local parking structure. After that, we collected our blankets and coats and walked to the stadium where we purchased a program for $5, waited in line for I don't know how long, underwent a security check (just like everyone else), and finally started climbing the steep steps up to our assigned seats just after shelling out $20 for stadium chairs.
I have never had to sit so closely to strangers in my entire life--surely the stands could have been spaced out a bit more, oh, but then that would have taken away potential income due to a slight lack in seating...how dare I think that anyone cared about the comfort of the fans.
At any rate, the Nebraska vs. Northwestern game was exciting, even if it did result in a loss for the Huskers (25-28), and with me having to leave with my ears ringing; the man seated right behind me yelled and screamed for the entire game. He shouted so often, that I timed his intervals: every 15 to 27 seconds he had something to say.
It's not like the college kids down on the field could hear him, but I'm sure he thought they could.
I secretly hoped he would earn himself a nasty case of laryngitis--he needed to be punished for damaging my hearing (my mother and I had gone over bringing our ear plugs, but that slipped our minds for whatever reason).
One thing that I was pretty stoked about was finally seeing the Husker Marching Band--I had seen them a couple of times during my high school marching band career, but my memories are starting to mesh together, so I couldn't quite recall how good everyone makes them out to be.
What I did remember was the fact that although they may possess a high quality sound, they rarely march, which always kind of irks me because marching should be part of a marching band--hence the name.
I took a few pictures, intensely watched their pre-game and halftime shows, finally coming to a conclusion: they kind of suck.
End of story, hands down, no questions asked: the University of Nebraska Husker Marching Band is lame.
That's right, I said (typed?) it; LAME! L-A-M-E!!! Ha ha. ;)
Of the three Nebraska Universities (UNK, UNL and UNO), UNO, by far, has the best marching band; and not just because I was part of it, but because they actually do stuff!
But that's another topic for another day--the UCLA marching band is pretty amazing, so I'm wickedly excited for an opportunity to be a part of that band. ^_^
As for the rest of my weekend, I worked yesterday for seven hours, came home, ate dinner, watched a movie and filled out a few more job applications for places that are hiring in California.
Haven't heard back from anyone yet, but sooner or later, I'm hoping that I will.
I might update again this week, but then again, I might not. So...I'll be back whenever. Lol.
Anyway, this past Friday (11/4/2011), my high school football team had a game. They managed to get themselves into the state play-offs, but unfortunately, they lost to a very talented team that just happens to be nationally ranked. Yep, Burke is ranked amongst the top 100 teams in the nation; they're 98th. At the bottom, yes, but that's a hell of a lot better than we are. The final score was us with a whopping seven (7) points and them with a ridiculous 55 on the scoreboard.
Yeah, I know--crazy, right?
And it just kept getting better.
Saturday morning (11/5/2011), Ryan had a basketball game, which his team lost (26 to 32), making them 0-3 so far this season. Sucks, I know.
And now for the big Nebraska game. Yes, my first venture to Memorial Stadium at UNL in Lincoln, Nebraska was an interesting event. I have never seen so many crazed football fans in one setting. And the vast "Sea of Red" was something--that's for sure.
The seats my family and I had weren't particularly great (Row 94 in the North end zone), but we had waited a long time before making the ticket purchase, so just obtaining tickets was enough.
After departing Ryan's basketball game, we headed out, made a quick stop to eat, and then arrived in Lincoln where we paid $15 to park in a local parking structure. After that, we collected our blankets and coats and walked to the stadium where we purchased a program for $5, waited in line for I don't know how long, underwent a security check (just like everyone else), and finally started climbing the steep steps up to our assigned seats just after shelling out $20 for stadium chairs.
I have never had to sit so closely to strangers in my entire life--surely the stands could have been spaced out a bit more, oh, but then that would have taken away potential income due to a slight lack in seating...how dare I think that anyone cared about the comfort of the fans.
At any rate, the Nebraska vs. Northwestern game was exciting, even if it did result in a loss for the Huskers (25-28), and with me having to leave with my ears ringing; the man seated right behind me yelled and screamed for the entire game. He shouted so often, that I timed his intervals: every 15 to 27 seconds he had something to say.
It's not like the college kids down on the field could hear him, but I'm sure he thought they could.
I secretly hoped he would earn himself a nasty case of laryngitis--he needed to be punished for damaging my hearing (my mother and I had gone over bringing our ear plugs, but that slipped our minds for whatever reason).
One thing that I was pretty stoked about was finally seeing the Husker Marching Band--I had seen them a couple of times during my high school marching band career, but my memories are starting to mesh together, so I couldn't quite recall how good everyone makes them out to be.
What I did remember was the fact that although they may possess a high quality sound, they rarely march, which always kind of irks me because marching should be part of a marching band--hence the name.
I took a few pictures, intensely watched their pre-game and halftime shows, finally coming to a conclusion: they kind of suck.
End of story, hands down, no questions asked: the University of Nebraska Husker Marching Band is lame.
That's right, I said (typed?) it; LAME! L-A-M-E!!! Ha ha. ;)
Of the three Nebraska Universities (UNK, UNL and UNO), UNO, by far, has the best marching band; and not just because I was part of it, but because they actually do stuff!
But that's another topic for another day--the UCLA marching band is pretty amazing, so I'm wickedly excited for an opportunity to be a part of that band. ^_^
As for the rest of my weekend, I worked yesterday for seven hours, came home, ate dinner, watched a movie and filled out a few more job applications for places that are hiring in California.
Haven't heard back from anyone yet, but sooner or later, I'm hoping that I will.
I might update again this week, but then again, I might not. So...I'll be back whenever. Lol.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Chapter 16
As the month of October comes to an end, I realize that the big move to SoCal is right around the corner.
I'm going back home. After 13 eventful and interesting years in Nebraska, I'm finally going home.
It's all so surreal.
According to Brandon, he never thought I was suited for post-secondary education in the Midwest. He always figured that leaving Nebraska to attend college elsewhere would be one of the best things for me to do. I wonder why he never told me sooner...
At any rate, that doesn't matter anymore: I'm moving to California for college! The UC schools are flat out amazing--together, they compose one of the best education systems in the world. :)
Brandon and my sister-in-law are graduates of UCSD. My second cousin Ariel is currently attending UC Merced. And I'll be the future graduate of UCLA. I'm noticing a pattern...here. Lol.
Unfortunately (not really--ha ha), Ryan has expressed a great interest in Nebraska football and has shown a desire to play for the Huskers. My 14-year-old brother--15 in February--wants to attend UNL for college.
Well, all right then.
He's breaking the trend...
Ha ha.
Ryan is currently a freshman in high school. So we still have a couple of years before we need to seriously consider a college for him.
I'm sure he'll be asking me questions about admission exams and universities and whatnot--after all, I'm his big sister! I've been here for like, ever for this kid. I'm actually extremely lucky to have a younger brother who genuinely likes me and doesn't mind spending time with me. How many siblings are like us? :)
And since I'm on the topic of UNL, I should probably mention the fact that we have tickets for the Nebraska vs Northwestern football game on Saturday, November 5th, 2011. That's right, I'm finally stepping foot into Memorial Stadium, something that I suppose I would like to do before I leave this state.
Once I'm in California, places like the Rose Bowl and Qualcomm Stadium will be mine. ;)
Anyway, I will most likely have more to blog about later this week. Until then.
I'm going back home. After 13 eventful and interesting years in Nebraska, I'm finally going home.
It's all so surreal.
According to Brandon, he never thought I was suited for post-secondary education in the Midwest. He always figured that leaving Nebraska to attend college elsewhere would be one of the best things for me to do. I wonder why he never told me sooner...
At any rate, that doesn't matter anymore: I'm moving to California for college! The UC schools are flat out amazing--together, they compose one of the best education systems in the world. :)
Brandon and my sister-in-law are graduates of UCSD. My second cousin Ariel is currently attending UC Merced. And I'll be the future graduate of UCLA. I'm noticing a pattern...here. Lol.
Unfortunately (not really--ha ha), Ryan has expressed a great interest in Nebraska football and has shown a desire to play for the Huskers. My 14-year-old brother--15 in February--wants to attend UNL for college.
Well, all right then.
He's breaking the trend...
Ha ha.
Ryan is currently a freshman in high school. So we still have a couple of years before we need to seriously consider a college for him.
I'm sure he'll be asking me questions about admission exams and universities and whatnot--after all, I'm his big sister! I've been here for like, ever for this kid. I'm actually extremely lucky to have a younger brother who genuinely likes me and doesn't mind spending time with me. How many siblings are like us? :)
And since I'm on the topic of UNL, I should probably mention the fact that we have tickets for the Nebraska vs Northwestern football game on Saturday, November 5th, 2011. That's right, I'm finally stepping foot into Memorial Stadium, something that I suppose I would like to do before I leave this state.
Once I'm in California, places like the Rose Bowl and Qualcomm Stadium will be mine. ;)
Anyway, I will most likely have more to blog about later this week. Until then.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Chapter 15
It's been a little over a week since I've posted anything...but, the fact that I have been updating more often than usual is a good thing.
The two funerals have come and gone; my Great Aunt Loretta's was last Tuesday and my Aunt Kathy's was this past Saturday. Brandon made it to both of them. Ryan and I did not. Then again, that was to be expected. And besides...it's not like we would have been welcomed, anyway. If I haven't mentioned this before, my family is, to say the very least: messed up. So "messed up" that I requested Brandon NOT to tell anyone about the act of me moving out to California. Yeah, I know...no need to say anything about that.
Now that I'm on the subject of California, I'm--pleased, I guess--to be the informant of the news that my mother purchased her plane ticket back here this past Tuesday night.
If that notion didn't make this move a reality to me, then I don't know what will.
I mean...I'm moving to California! How exciting is that? :)
Unfortunately, that's pretty much all I have to say right now. I've started packing, begun to review the "California Driver Handbook" just in case I'm forced into taking a driving exam before I can obtain a California Driver License, applying for jobs, and so on.
I'll update again when I have more to write about.
The two funerals have come and gone; my Great Aunt Loretta's was last Tuesday and my Aunt Kathy's was this past Saturday. Brandon made it to both of them. Ryan and I did not. Then again, that was to be expected. And besides...it's not like we would have been welcomed, anyway. If I haven't mentioned this before, my family is, to say the very least: messed up. So "messed up" that I requested Brandon NOT to tell anyone about the act of me moving out to California. Yeah, I know...no need to say anything about that.
Now that I'm on the subject of California, I'm--pleased, I guess--to be the informant of the news that my mother purchased her plane ticket back here this past Tuesday night.
If that notion didn't make this move a reality to me, then I don't know what will.
I mean...I'm moving to California! How exciting is that? :)
Unfortunately, that's pretty much all I have to say right now. I've started packing, begun to review the "California Driver Handbook" just in case I'm forced into taking a driving exam before I can obtain a California Driver License, applying for jobs, and so on.
I'll update again when I have more to write about.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Chapter 14
I'm better--the initial shock of what has happened with my family seems to have worn off and now I'm merely wishing my relatives well and jumping at any source that has an update about the situation.
My brothers and I seem to have been left in the dark...then again, my grandparents basically disowned four out of the seven grandchildren they have (my two brothers, our cousin Alex, and me), so what else is new?
At any rate, they'll proceed with memorial services of some sort and move on, continuing to live in denial about their lives.
Nothing I can do about that.
On a lighter note, the rest of my life seems to finally be getting itself in order; I'm noticing subtle signs about things and building my self-confidence. After all, a move to SoCal requires that one be fairly confident, yes?
I'm excited about the move, but also reasonably terrified at the same time. As I should be, I suppose--if I wasn't, I would just be foolish, wouldn't I?
The more people I see that I've had some sort of relationship with, the more I almost yearn to inform them, but at the same time, I think I'd rather have everyone find out AFTER everything is all said and done. Those who already know don't really seem that worked up about this massive change at all, therefore I don't see the point in telling any more of my former classmates.
I saw quite a few at the Lincoln High "LINKS" Marching Band Competition today--the majority were 2011 graduates, a couple from 2010, and then me, the lone 2009 person that decided to show up. I know a fair few who are currently in the 2011-2012 Titan Marching Band, so catching up with them was much more likely than 2011 graduates that never really wanted anything to do with me in the first place.
One of those 2011 graduates just happened to be my ex-boyfriend.
We saw each other, I know that much. I toyed with the thought of confronting him about what happened back in March, but in the end, like I always have, I kept everything to myself and focused my energy elsewhere.
This was not the place, nor the time for any sort of..."reconnection" with him.
He and I lingered near each other for brief periods of time, with me secretly catching glimpses of him, whereas he...well, I can only hope that he was doing the same.
As a human being, hope is an innate trait that consumes me--at times, I absolutely adore it, but during other times...it drives me insane.
I'm almost 100% positive that he'll never say anything to me. Why would he even want to speak to me in the first place?
And, I'm pretty sure that there's a new girl in the picture--he's an attractive and intelligent young kid with an extremely bright future ahead of him--what girl wouldn't want him?
My brothers and I seem to have been left in the dark...then again, my grandparents basically disowned four out of the seven grandchildren they have (my two brothers, our cousin Alex, and me), so what else is new?
At any rate, they'll proceed with memorial services of some sort and move on, continuing to live in denial about their lives.
Nothing I can do about that.
On a lighter note, the rest of my life seems to finally be getting itself in order; I'm noticing subtle signs about things and building my self-confidence. After all, a move to SoCal requires that one be fairly confident, yes?
I'm excited about the move, but also reasonably terrified at the same time. As I should be, I suppose--if I wasn't, I would just be foolish, wouldn't I?
The more people I see that I've had some sort of relationship with, the more I almost yearn to inform them, but at the same time, I think I'd rather have everyone find out AFTER everything is all said and done. Those who already know don't really seem that worked up about this massive change at all, therefore I don't see the point in telling any more of my former classmates.
I saw quite a few at the Lincoln High "LINKS" Marching Band Competition today--the majority were 2011 graduates, a couple from 2010, and then me, the lone 2009 person that decided to show up. I know a fair few who are currently in the 2011-2012 Titan Marching Band, so catching up with them was much more likely than 2011 graduates that never really wanted anything to do with me in the first place.
One of those 2011 graduates just happened to be my ex-boyfriend.
We saw each other, I know that much. I toyed with the thought of confronting him about what happened back in March, but in the end, like I always have, I kept everything to myself and focused my energy elsewhere.
This was not the place, nor the time for any sort of..."reconnection" with him.
He and I lingered near each other for brief periods of time, with me secretly catching glimpses of him, whereas he...well, I can only hope that he was doing the same.
As a human being, hope is an innate trait that consumes me--at times, I absolutely adore it, but during other times...it drives me insane.
I'm almost 100% positive that he'll never say anything to me. Why would he even want to speak to me in the first place?
And, I'm pretty sure that there's a new girl in the picture--he's an attractive and intelligent young kid with an extremely bright future ahead of him--what girl wouldn't want him?
Monday, October 3, 2011
Chapter 13
Ironic that this chapter's number is 13.
Brandon (my older brother) just called me. Unfortunately, this phone call was not one full of typical sibling conversation.
My Aunt Kathy and Great Aunt Loretta were killed in a car accident on Sunday, and we're just now finding out.
I'm upset (my eyes hurt from the crying)...unsure of what to do and who to call.
My family is extremely complicated--full of half and step-siblings, ex's, bitterness, dislike...you name it, I'm sure we have it.
Basically... don't know what to do.
I wish there was someone I could turn to right now.
Brandon (my older brother) just called me. Unfortunately, this phone call was not one full of typical sibling conversation.
My Aunt Kathy and Great Aunt Loretta were killed in a car accident on Sunday, and we're just now finding out.
I'm upset (my eyes hurt from the crying)...unsure of what to do and who to call.
My family is extremely complicated--full of half and step-siblings, ex's, bitterness, dislike...you name it, I'm sure we have it.
Basically... don't know what to do.
I wish there was someone I could turn to right now.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Chapter 12
I suppose it's about time I post something on this little blog of mine...
Ha ha.
Today is my 20th birthday. Exciting stuff, right?
In reality, not so much...
When I woke up this morning, I pretty much felt the same...19, 20...what's the difference?
Well, I guess I'm technically no longer a "teenager". It's a bittersweet sort of moment when that realization hits you, but then again, was being a teenager ever really that glamorous?
Yes and no.
But, as a newly-turned 20-year-old, I do know that I have another great ten years ahead of me. In many ways, I'm still a kid! I mean, I used to think that 20 was old--don't get me wrong, I wasn't exactly stoked about turning 20--but I've noticed that at this age, you still don't really know anything. I mean, you're just getting started in life!
So, perhaps my phase of acting like Bella Swan is coming to an end...
We'll see how I am for my 21st birthday.
Ha ha.
Today is my 20th birthday. Exciting stuff, right?
In reality, not so much...
When I woke up this morning, I pretty much felt the same...19, 20...what's the difference?
Well, I guess I'm technically no longer a "teenager". It's a bittersweet sort of moment when that realization hits you, but then again, was being a teenager ever really that glamorous?
Yes and no.
But, as a newly-turned 20-year-old, I do know that I have another great ten years ahead of me. In many ways, I'm still a kid! I mean, I used to think that 20 was old--don't get me wrong, I wasn't exactly stoked about turning 20--but I've noticed that at this age, you still don't really know anything. I mean, you're just getting started in life!
So, perhaps my phase of acting like Bella Swan is coming to an end...
We'll see how I am for my 21st birthday.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
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